I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
