I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
50% drunk capacity currently
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
