Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize