her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
