I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
