I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
