He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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