it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
how does that bad decision feel?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
