My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
