im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
