I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
