Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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