Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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