Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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