i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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