lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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