Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
