im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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