if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
