I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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