If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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