I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize