gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
