grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My vagina is very pro this idea
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
