Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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