I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he fucked my hip out of place.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
