He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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