I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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