It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
