life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
