The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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