We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
