So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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