Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
