I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
