don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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