he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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