I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was confusing and full of hummus
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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