wat bout pragnant strippers??
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
