Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
time to smoke my breakfast
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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