On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
