I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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