we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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