Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize