I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
