Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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