Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize