why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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