You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
