im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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