We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
