my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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