Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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