You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
