How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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