that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
