cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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