Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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