Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
