i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
