I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
