Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
