I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
