All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
