i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
