So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
