Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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