There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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