***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
