She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
