Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
