And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
