Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
