I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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