She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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