so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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