My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
