You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
