I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
