I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
