she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
