When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
