420 ftw
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
