PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
