I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
