I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ketchup is God's man juice
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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