Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
