Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my liver is dry heaving
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
